Guilty! Of Maroonism in the First Degree!

By BitcoDavid

Here at DeafInPrison.com, we write a lot about innocent people who don’t deserve the prison sentences they’re serving, but it is true that some people really do deserve to be in prison. I have a close friend who often argues that judges should employ some sort of doubling die – a method by which an offender’s punishment would be directly tied to the stupidity of the criminal.

For example:

Wilderdom

A guy walks into a bank, and writes a robbery note on the back of a deposit slip. He then carries that deposit slip across the street to another bank – the one he actually intended to rob. The teller politely informs him, that she can’t honor his robbery note, due to the fact that it was written on a competitor’s deposit slip. “OK,” says Dr. Schweitzer, “I guess I’ll go back over there and rob them.” He even thanks her for her trouble. Anyway, the cops caught the dude while he was waiting for the pedestrian light.

Apparently, in Colorado, a man was being tried for the heinous crime of Chicken Theft. I guess they have a law against that in Colorado. Anyway, when the judge asked the man if he was the defendant, he replied, “No, your honor – I’m the guy who stole the chickens.” The best part of that story, is that he ended up pleading not guilty.

YouTube

There was the guy in New York who – while contesting a traffic ticket – managed to get himself fined for contempt of court. Immediately upon being told the fine, by the judge, the dude reached for his wallet and began counting money. The judge informed him that he would be asked to pay the court cashier after the hearing. The guy replied, “It’s not that, your honor – I’m just checking to see if I have enough for 2 more words.”

A young man wearing those sneakers that have LEDs embedded in the heels, robbed a convenience store – at night. The cops just had to follow the lights running down the street.

In another deposit slip case, the guy used his own deposit slip at his own branch. Even though he wore the traditional ski mask – the cops were waiting for him as he pulled into his driveway.

Police issue X26 TASER (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A teacher brought a Taser into her elementary school class to demonstrate it to her students. Now, you might think that was kinda dumb in and of itself. Well, she decided to demonstrate the weapon on herself! Probably the best day those kids ever had, in their entire school careers.

A guy tried stealing a bicycle in Seattle – during their Marathon. He was spotted by the wife of the victim, while she was running the race. Not only did she run him down, she beat him like a rented mule. The guy couldn’t be gladder when the cops finally arrived.

An RN was attending a convention in Boston, when she chose to take her nightly constitutional through the infamous Boston Common. Almost as if scripted to do so, a guy tries to rape her. She cooperates long enough for the guy to get his pants off. She reaches down to stroke him, and finds a nerve center that medical professionals – and apparently not rapists – know about. She literally dragged him in, by the balls. I’m told he was actually in tears when they slapped the cuffs on him.

Screenshot from The Great Train Robbery (1903) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Amongst all these Darwinites is one case that’s actually brilliant. Another deposit slip case, but in this one, the guy opened an account. When the bank manager gave him his first temporary deposit slips, he simply placed them on top of the stack of existing deposit slips in the bank’s lobby. Everybody who made a deposit that day, was unknowingly putting the money in this guy’s new account. Now he actually deserves time off his sentence – a genius award.

[Editor’s note: These are stories that I’ve heard through the years. As far as I know, they’re all true, but I didn’t bother with citing any of them. You can probably look them all up – if you really care. We cover serious issues here at DeafInPrison.com – but every now and then, a little humor is good for the soul. – BitcoDavid]

BitcoDavid is a blogger and a blog site consultant. In former lives, he was an audio engineer, a videographer, a teacher – even a cab driver. He is an avid health and fitness enthusiast and a Pro/Am boxer. He has spent years working with diet and exercise to combat obesity and obesity related illness.

Related articles

• May 2013 at DeafInPrison.com (deafinprison.wordpress.com)
• Broken Sign: Important Announcement from BitcoDavid (deafinprison.wordpress.com)
• April at DeafInPrison.com (deafinprison.wordpress.com)
• Stop Hearing Loss Bullying Video Now Online (deafinprison.wordpress.com)
• Rockstar Talila Lewis Gets Op-Ed in Major Newspaper (deafinprison.wordpress.com)
• *OUCH* My Poor Coach (bitcodavidsboxingblog.com)
• Amazing ASL Video Informs About Domestic Abuse (deafinprison.wordpress.com)
• She Still Doesn’t Like Mondays (deafinprison.wordpress.com)
• ASL Meetup 2 (deafinprison.wordpress.com)
• The Truth about Registration and the Deadly Weapon mythology (bitcodavidsboxingblog.com)